One liners

• Always late.. but worth the wait!
• Remember.. you are unique, just like everyone else.
• You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive
• Don’t follow me.. I’m lost.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• Life is too short to date cheap men.
• Plan to be spontaneous- tomorrow.
• The 10 commandments are not multiple choice.
• Fight crime- shoot back.
• DESIGNATED DRUNK!
• Can’t feed ‘em.. don’t breed ‘em
• I’m not short, I’m fun size.
• Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
• I have a perfect body. It’s your vision that’s defective.
• If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
• Are you stoned or just stupid?
• I doubt, therefore I might be.
• Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
• All I want is less to do, more time to do it and higher pay for not getting it done!
• I have amnesia and déjà vu: I think I have forgotton this before.
• Booze destroys brain cells but I’m too smart, anyway.
• Hard work has a future pay off. Laziness pays off now.
• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
• Shh! I’m listening to a book!
• Better late than pregnant.
• Off to boozing. Sorry about what happens later…
• Death is a way of telling you you’ve been fired.
• Money isin’t everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
• Drive it like you stole it.
• If at first you don’t succeed, try not to look astonished!
• I may be left-handed but I’m always right.
• If this car is going too slow for you, feel free to help me push!
• Earth is full. Go home.
• If you’re rich, I’m single!
• Stupidity isin’t a handicap- park somewhere else.
• We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
• Beer doesn’t make you fat. It makes you lean.
• Life is short: Break some rules.
• Double your drive space. Delete Windows.
• If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
• Borrow money from pessimists: they never expect to get it back.
• Don’t believe in everything you think.
• I said “no” to alcohol. It just wouldn’t listen!
• If you drink, don’t park. Accidents cause people.
• When there’s a will, I want to be in it!
• Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself!
• I’m not deaf, I’m just ignoring you.

:-)

Hey everyone..


Sorry haven't really been able to update lately..
Wait for a day or 2 and look forward to some real good-never-read-before quotes and pics!!


Shruti

Diwali Greetings

Send your loved ones these heartfelt diwali cards.. & don't forget to check the 'Quotes' section for additional diwali wishes.

Happy Diwali to all of you.

Keep Following & I'll keep updating.! 

♥

Diwali

With gleam of Diyas and the Echo of the Chants,

May Happiness and Contentment Fill Your life
Wishing you a very happy and prosperous Diwali!

May the divine light of diwali spread peace, prosperity, happiness and good health in your life.

May the beauty of deepavali season
Fill your home with happiness,
And may the coming year
Provide you with all
That bring you joy!

Deep Jalte Jagmagate rahe, 
Hum aapko Aap hame yaad aate rahe, 
Jab tak zindagi hai, Dua hai hamari 
Aap Chand ki tarah Jagmagate rahe. 

Happy Diwali....

Let us keep Diwali
holding it close to our hearts
for its meaning never ends
and its spirit is the warmth and joy
of remembering friends

Let's celebrate the auspicious day of Diwali with fun and frolic
May this bright day bring Bountiful Bliss and Joy in your life
Here's sending wishes to you on this Diwali.

Warm Diwali wish for every happiness. May this day fill your life with happiness and bring to you joy and prosperity 

Jokes

Small love story only for U :
He Proposed,
She Smiled !!! 

No Teeth,
He DIED !!! :-D :-D:-D
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Innocent baby handling his crush:-
Main tumhe bhulne ki bhut koshish kalta hun,
Pal kya talu,
Mummy loz badam kila deti hai aul tumhali yad fill aa jati hai.

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Li'l girl: teacher, can a 40 year old get pregnant?
Teacher:yes!
Li'l girl:what about a 20 year old?
Teacher:yes!
Li'l girl:what about a 5 year old?
Teacher:NO!
.
.
.
.
*now the li'l boy whispers in the li'l girl's ears*
"I told you honey, we need not worry"

LOVE IS SO FREAKIN' CUTE!

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Mother, to her teenage daughter, -
I think its right time, we should talk about sex.

Daughter: Sure mom, what do you want to know

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Common lines after a guy gets drunk :-
--> You are my everything..
--> I will drive the car..
--> I love you from my heart..
--> Today i am not feeling drunk..
--> Don't think that i am saying all this because i am drunk..
--> Let's have one more glass..
--> Ask me what you need, i can even die for you..
--> Don't teach your father..
And the best one...
----> i will stop drinking from tomorrow..

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A man's sad story-

Last week was my birthday.
My wife didn't wish me, my kids didn't.

I went for work. My Friends didn't.
I was very disheartened.
I entered my cabin.
My p.a. said 'Happy birthday boss'. I felt special. she asked me for lunch.
AFter lunch she invited me to her apartment.
There She said, 'do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?' 'ok', i said nervously.
She came out a few minutes later with a large cake. 
Followed by my wife, kids and friends and i was waiting for her.
sitting on the couch naked.:-|:-D

Tough decision…. but very worthwhile!

Hey everyone!

I checked all my posts and I realized that I have never posted anything that is related to health. I sat and thought, “Why am I even going to school, if I cannot start embracing my profession and act like I’ll be graduating someday? …soon tho :)

Anyway, here’s something that is more health related.

I was undergoing my clinical rotations last month and some of the places I was sent to were cardiology and pulmonology clinics.

What I saw there was indeed touching. I saw people who had to live with conditions which they caused themselves;

People with severe cardiac and respiratory diseases, all induced by smoking.

After this, I had to really hold myself from running to the streets to start a campaign against smoking already.

I saw myself trying to answer the question I kept asking myself, “But why?”

Wrong choices! Bad choices! A choice they had to make earlier on in life. 
Some choices just give us the immediate feedbacks right there and then, while some are just prolonged, more like saved for later.

I kind of even prefer the immediate outcome of what we do today than punishing our later lives with the mistakes of our today.

There I was looking at the faces of all these people (so piteous and sad), I knew one thing was certain, if they were given a chance to relive their lives, all over again, they would definitely make a choice against smoking.

Just some little time of youthful pleasure, leaving a long-lasting nightmare to their aged lives.  I bet most of them said something like “Of course, I’ll die someday, if not due to the complications of smoking, but definitely by something else”. They never envisaged being moved around from one ward to another just in an attempt to seek for the very life that they once cared so little about.

So much pain and anguish! If only they had read in between the lines of ‘smoking is dangerous to health’.
I think every smoker should visit these wards, so maybe they can understand the implications of what they are doing – that is, if it’s really worth it.

Hey the next time you hear ‘smoking is dangerous to health’, it means smoking actually kills!

It might mean nothing to you today, but trust me you’ll remember these sort of messages someday.

Be careful with the choices you make today, and have you a wonderful new month!

Jokes

One liners:

Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $4.95 a minute.

At a Funeral of Cardiologist,his Coffin was Heart Shaped.A Doctor Started Laughing,Ppl asked why?He said-I'm Thinkin abt my Funeral, I'm a Gynaecologist!! :-)

Teacher:Men r Born from betwen d LEGS of a WOMAN, yet Spend all their Lifetime in trying 2 Get Back between THEM,

WHY? Student: I think, dis is Home Sickness

Romantic movies are known to ruin relationships as they give unrealistic expectations to women about what to expect in

porn films do d same to men !! :P

If you put a corn field on fire, would it turn into popcorn ??

What's about 9in long, goes in and out of your're mouth and has white stuff on the end of it ??
a toothbrush... what did YOUU think :p HAHA

There were two muffins in an oven, the first one goes ' dang, its hot in here! ' and the second one goes ' AH! A TALKING MUFFIN!

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.