A little check!
We all know a few people have some problems with completely sticking to one person
not when there are a lot of temptations hovering around everywhere. Sometimes it's very easy at the start, but it could happen that after a while you find yourself in a situation where you start wondering. The point is that people do change, you might have been the real one yesterday but today he met someone else(and vice versa). Such is life!
Sometimes all it takes is for one person to be a little far away and the old long 'out of sight,out of mind' rule plays in.
Here's a few things you want to watch out for:
1. Body language: Is he acting differently? But to know what is different, of course, you need to know what is normal.
When I'm friends with somebody, I take out time to understand them. After a while, I should be able to tell their every move (ok most of it). I should be able to tell when they are angry or when they are sad. When they are not talking because something is bugging them or because they just don't want to talk to me. There are 2 different things. When he acts in a certain manner, you should be able to tell why he's doing so.
2. Communication:
Does he call and just want to stay there talking to you because there's no other place he'd rather be? Or does it happen that you go for weeks and there's no form of communication between both of you? You pick up the phone and do the calling and he tries to go as fast as he possibly can, or maybe ends with a possible 'let me call you back'?
Now girlfriend drop the phone, stop calling and engage in some activities yourself.
If his communication changes towards you, then you must work hard to decipher why it did. Is it you or is there something else?
This is very important especially if you'll ever get to the point of doing a distant relationship. Don't say you'll never, because nobody knows tomorrow. What? Will you divorce your husband just because he has to work in another city? There are certain things you have to learn to cope with and this is all about understanding each other.
3. Caring - When you love someone, you care for them. If you find that he's losing this part or even if it's never there, then you're not it at all. One thing I understand is that when he cares, the only limitation will be if he can't. And if he can but relents or not just paying attention, then you should be careful.
Here's a little example: Both of you find yourself in a point where you have to do a distant relationship, and then you find him telling you, "I was the one that visited the last time, now it's your turn to visit". But you say, "I'm not buoyant" and the truth is, you really aren't, (Not that he sees you're spending a lot tripping around but just won't make one to his) and he says, "no it's 50/50, I'm not coming again until you can make one here and only then will I make the next one." And before you know it, he's actually tripping around. I tell you if he really cares, he'll not even mind who is visiting or who is spending as long as both of you can keep a certain level of close proximity. Once you see a guy that starts breaking it down like "If I pay for the movie tickets, then you must buy the pop corn and drinks", please my dear run o. Like seriously! Except if you enjoy helping another chic sort her man out while she's being reserved for all the better options.
Giving depicts caring. Like it or not, I know a lot of people will try to counter this but there's no love without both partners willingly trying to give with no resentment at all. When there's true love, it doesn't matter who is giving, usually you just see the one that is capable doing it without trying to draw out boundaries and all. If he's trying to push it over to you as much as he can or maybe even wants you to do the greater chunk of the job, chances are that he's trying to reserve as much as he can for the main deal, well, because there'll be that one that makes him not to relent at all. It's either it's you, or a certain she.
Of course that's one part, the second part will be time. I'm not talking about coming around because they need something. I mean just basking in each other's company and enjoying it.
And most especially making out time to be there when you need them.
4. Secrets - Well some people say "what you don't know won't hurt you" but I'll say for a relationship, it's better you both see yourself as a team and share everything amicably. There should be no 'real secrets' so if he's acting as he's keeping some of those, then sweetheart, better be careful. Well sometimes he might just be sniping around because he's trying to surprise you or something, well don't spoil his surprise (esp for all ye romantic lots) but again his hide and seek camouflage shouldn't be for too long.
Or it could also happen that there's just something he has to deal with alone for a while but again, this shouldn't be forever. One thing I know about people(men esp) is that they always want to share their problems (reason why a lot of psychologists are still in business lol). If he just keeps it and keeps saying I'm fine, I'm fine or even snaps, then girl friend, start snooping around for your own good. Look for every possible clue. Do you think the answer could lie in his phone? Then check it. If you can't check his phone then why are both of you even together? Who are you guys kidding? Well I see married couples that make their phones their very private matter and the partner cannot even touch it. Well that's more private and sensitive than all the other things you guys get along with so privately? hmm ok I'll stop now :)
But of course you also have to understand the individual in question, there'll always be special cases.
For example, if he's working as a secret security officer, then you have to understand that there'll be such times when you'll need to work so hard to gain his trust just in an attempt to make him confide in you.
5. Trust - And the next thing I had to talk about is trust. Trusting each other is very important. If one person loses it, then it's totally messed up. I promise you, do not push anybody because you'll live to regret it. If he can succeed in making you lose that, then just be warned. Trust goes a long way in every relationship and shouldn't be jeopardized. And if you say you're worried about certain things and he acts like he doesn't care, y'all just better draw the curtains.
Let me share a little story and this is true life.
I was friends with this boy and afterwards, we started dating. It was just one month old until one day he turned up infront of my house asking for us to take a trip to another city. It was funny because in my house it doesn't happen like that. I can't just say "Hey mummy & daddy, I'm going to another city with a man". What?!
So I told him, I couldn't go, and he got really angry. First of all I remember he was telling me about the trip earlier on during the week but it was that he was going alone.
Why the sudden change of mind? I couldn't even place it. Really I was so confused and I needed and iota of anything just to give me the slightest idea.
Suddenly, his phone rang, he didn't pick it up. 3 times it rang again, but he still didn't. And then a text message came in, he looked at it, and just dropped his phone with a smirk on his face.
A text came in again, and he did the same thing. And then while he was still talking to me to see if I could make the trip with him, and I was still constantly refusing, he said something like "girls, they just know how to disappoint"
"Ok dude first off, I'm not 'girls', there's only one here so..."
By this time, a text came in yet again and he refused to check it this time.
Well I decided to help him out. "You don't want to check it, I'll help you".
And it was from a 'heartbreaker'.
What? I quickly checked how he saved me, and I was 'Janyl'.
Of course Janyl is not my real name, it's a fond name and as of then, only real friends called me that. Like I said earlier, we were very good friends before we even started dating.
Ok that wasn't too bad! But then I checked the message, the girl was basically trying to apologise for cancelling the trip. What? The same trip?
I asked him if he could talk about it but he was more concerned with the 'what you don't know won't hurt you you' height of deception line.
Gosh! Did I waste my time one bit? I remember I didn't. That was the end of that relationship, you bet. I didn't even ask one more question. I know I can have 'brain touch' sometimes but that's just me, I can't stand rubbish. Please, when we're not married? You and who is doing that one?!
Anyway, I later realised it was his ex and probably they set up the trip to go make up, or break up well or whatever or maybe just missing each other esp since I was always never disposed to those kind of moments when he needed them and apparently she could. Anyway, whatever, it didn't help, I ended it and that was it.
Trust is really important! It's so hard trying to mend that, so if you can help each other not lose it, please do. If he doesn't try to, hmm, maybe maybe!
It's so obvious this was written bearing the ladies in mind, don't stress it, I already know. A "side dude, real dude" might be on the works soon :)
Got more to add or share or even a different opinion? Let's hear!
