One liners- 2

• Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
• Why does opportunity knocks but temptation walks in?
• Computers help us to do stupid things faster.
• Born to shop.
• Never miss a good chance to shut up.
• Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.
• I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
• I haven’t lost my mind, it’s backed up on disk somewhere.
• Don’t worry about what people think: they don’t do it very often anyway!
• I’m not single, I’m just picky!
• It’s not hard to meet expenses. I meet them everywhere I go.
• Well-behaved women rarely make history.
• Advice is free but the right answer will cost plenty.
• I can resist anything but temptations.
• Don’t piss me off. I’m running out of places to hide the bodies!
• And I care why?
• Change the world: start with yourself.
• I didn’t climb to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian!
• Anything you say is mostly misquoted and then used against you.
• Lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math.
• Watch out: PMS behind the wheel.
• Money can’t buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
• I’m not going to drink anymore, but I won’t drink any less either!
• A penny saved is ridiculous.
• A bartender is just a pharmacist with limited inventory.
• Honesty is the best policy but insanity is a better defense.
• Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
• I intend to live forever- so far, so good.
• There are 2 types of pedestrians- the quick and the dead.
• Adults are just kids with money.
• Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
• If everything seems to be going well, you obviously have overlooked something.
• Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it.
• Drinking won’t solve your problems but passing out will.
• Flashbacks are all I’ve got to look forward to.
• Death is nature’s way of saying “slow down”.
• Faster than a speeding ticket.
• Of all the things I’ve lost.. I miss my mind the most.
• Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
• A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
• Quit honking: I’m on the phone!
• If the music’s too loud for you, you are probably too old!
• You’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who cares.
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