His side chic or the real one?

A little check!

We all know a few people have some problems with completely sticking to one person not when there are a lot of temptations hovering around everywhere. Sometimes it's very easy at the start, but it could happen that after a while you find yourself in a situation where you start wondering. The point is that people do change, you might have been the real one yesterday but today he met someone else(and vice versa). Such is life!
Sometimes all it takes is for one person to be a little far away and the old long 'out of sight,out of mind' rule plays in.



Here's a few things you want to watch out for:

1. Body language: Is he acting differently? But to know what is different, of course, you need to know what is normal.
When I'm friends with somebody, I take out time to understand them. After a while, I should be able to tell their every move (ok most of it). I should be able to tell when they are angry or when they are sad. When they are not talking because something is bugging them or because they just don't want to talk to me. There are 2 different things. When he acts in a certain manner, you should be able to tell why he's  doing so.

2. Communication:
Does he call and just want to stay there talking to you because there's no other place he'd rather be? Or does it happen that you go for weeks and there's no form of communication between both of you? You pick up the phone and do the calling and he tries to go as fast as he possibly can, or maybe ends with a possible 'let me call you back'?
Now girlfriend drop the phone, stop calling and engage in some activities yourself.
If his communication changes towards you, then you must work hard to decipher why it did. Is it you or is there something else?
This is very important especially if you'll ever get to the point of doing a distant relationship. Don't say you'll never, because nobody knows tomorrow. What? Will you divorce your husband just because he has to work in another city? There are certain things you have to learn to cope with and this is all about understanding each other.

3. Caring - When you love someone, you care for them. If you find that he's losing this part or even if it's never there, then you're not it at all. One thing I understand is that when he cares, the only limitation will be if he can't. And if he can but relents or not just paying attention, then you should be careful.

Here's a little example: Both of you find yourself in a point where you have to do a distant relationship, and then you find him telling you, "I was the one that visited the last time, now it's your turn to visit". But you say, "I'm not buoyant" and the truth is, you really aren't, (Not that he sees you're spending a lot tripping around but just won't make one to his) and he says, "no it's 50/50, I'm not coming again until you can make one here and only then will I  make the next one." And before you know it, he's actually tripping around. I tell you if he really cares, he'll not even mind who is visiting or who is spending as long as both of you can keep a certain level of close proximity. Once you see a guy that starts breaking it down like "If I pay for the movie tickets, then you must buy the pop corn and drinks", please my dear run o. Like seriously! Except if you enjoy helping another chic sort her man out  while she's being reserved for all the better options.

Giving depicts caring. Like it or not, I know a lot of people will try to counter this but there's no love without both partners willingly trying to give with no resentment at all. When there's true love, it doesn't matter who is giving, usually you just see the one that is capable doing it without trying to draw out boundaries and all. If he's trying to push it over to you as much as he can or maybe even wants you to do the greater chunk of the job, chances are that he's trying to reserve as much as he can for the main deal, well, because there'll be that one that makes him not to relent at all. It's either it's you, or a certain she.

Of course that's one part, the second part will be time. I'm not talking about coming around because they need something. I mean just basking in each other's company and enjoying it. 

And most especially making out time to  be there when you need them.

4. Secrets - Well some people say "what you don't know won't hurt you" but I'll say for a relationship, it's better you both see yourself as a team and share everything amicably. There should be no 'real secrets' so if he's acting as he's keeping some of those, then sweetheart, better be careful. Well sometimes he might just be sniping around because he's trying to surprise you or something, well don't spoil his surprise (esp for all ye romantic lots) but again his hide and seek camouflage shouldn't be for too long. 

Or it could also happen that there's just something he has to deal with alone for a while but again, this shouldn't be forever. One thing I know about people(men esp) is that they always want to share their problems (reason why a lot of psychologists are still in business lol). If he just keeps it and keeps saying I'm fine, I'm fine or even snaps, then girl friend, start snooping around for your own good. Look for every possible clue. Do you think the answer could lie in his phone? Then check it. If you can't check his phone then why are both of you even together? Who are you guys kidding? Well I see married couples that make their phones their very private matter and the partner cannot even touch it. Well that's more private and sensitive than all the other things you guys get along with so privately? hmm ok I'll stop now :) 

But of course you also have to understand the individual in question, there'll always be special cases. 

For example, if he's working as a secret security officer, then you have to understand that there'll be such times when you'll need to work so hard to gain his trust just in an attempt to make him confide in you.

5. Trust - And the next thing I had to talk about is trust. Trusting each other is very important. If one person loses it, then it's totally messed up. I promise you, do not push anybody because you'll live to regret it. If he can succeed in making you lose that, then just be warned. Trust goes a long way in every relationship and shouldn't be jeopardized. And if you say you're worried about certain things and he acts like he doesn't care, y'all just better draw the curtains.   

Let me share a little story and this is true life.

I was friends with this boy and afterwards, we started dating. It was just one month old until one day he turned up infront of my house asking for us to take a trip to another city. It was funny because in my house it doesn't happen like that. I can't just say "Hey mummy & daddy, I'm going to another city with a man".  What?!

So I told him, I couldn't go, and he got really angry. First of all I remember he was telling me about the trip earlier on during the week but it was that he was going alone.  

Why the sudden change of mind? I couldn't even place it. Really I was so confused and I needed and iota of anything just to give me the slightest idea. 

Suddenly, his phone rang, he didn't pick it up. 3 times it rang again, but he still didn't. And then a text message came in, he looked at it, and just dropped his phone with a smirk on his face. 

A text came in again, and he did the same thing. And then while he was still talking to me to see if I could make the trip with him, and I was still constantly refusing, he said something like "girls, they just know how to disappoint" 

"Ok dude first off, I'm not 'girls', there's only one here so..."

By this time, a text came in yet again and he refused to check it this time. 

Well I decided to help him out. "You don't want to check it, I'll help you".

And it was from a 'heartbreaker'. 

What? I quickly checked how he saved me, and I was 'Janyl'.

Of course Janyl is not my real name, it's a fond name and as of then, only real friends called me that. Like I said earlier, we were very good friends before we even started dating. 

Ok that wasn't too bad! But then I checked the message, the girl was basically trying to apologise for cancelling the trip. What? The same trip? 

I asked him if he could talk about it but he was more concerned with the 'what you don't know won't hurt you you' height of deception line.

Gosh! Did I waste my time one bit? I remember I didn't.  That was the end of that relationship, you bet. I didn't even ask one more question. I know I can have 'brain touch' sometimes but that's just me, I can't stand rubbish. Please, when we're not married? You and who is doing that one?!

Anyway, I later realised it was his ex and probably they set up the trip to go make up, or break up well or whatever or maybe just missing each other esp since I was always never disposed to those kind of moments when he needed them and apparently she could. Anyway, whatever,  it didn't help, I ended it and that was it.

Trust is really important! It's so hard trying to mend that, so if you can help each other not lose it, please do. If he doesn't try to, hmm, maybe maybe!

It's so obvious this was written bearing the ladies in mind, don't stress it, I already know. A "side dude, real dude" might be on the works soon :)

Got more to add or share or even a different opinion? Let's hear!

Would you like to wear that ring?

I saw a few pictures of tattoos gone wrong. Spelling errors that got me wondering, "Was the tattoo artist drunk or sth?" Well no need to wonder what I thought of the tattoo bearer... yea, either he/she is dumb or just recovered from psychosis.

I watched a video of a girl that regretted having her tattoos a few years after she got them. What was her reason? "I was just being a very crazy teenager, now that I'm grown, I think that was the worst mistake I made as a child".


Yea I sit down and feel like I made some mistakes as a child myself but thank God mine weren't permanent...like a long lasting reminder of how stupid you were when you actually thought that you were indeed brave.
Well I still think it's not wise to let children make decisions for themselves. No matter how much sometimes children like to feel like they are really matured(even when they are not), age has a significant role to play in maturity. It's called development, as you get older, you see your fingers growing longer, there are also some certain changes that are occurring within you that you may not be able to see. I know we like to encourage young children to try to be independent these days, more often than not, the reason is because we are just scared that they may scream "I'm old enough to make decisions for myself" one day. Nevertheless, I'm so happy that I had people that I could listen to, people that would tell me the truth about things my small mind couldn't comprehend then. I know now I've got you thinking that I probably would have covered my face up with 56 stars  (Remember her? click here ) or maybe I would have been a Lil Wayne look alike...yea maybe!... 

 even though this might seem like I'm indeed talking about tattoos, but really I'm not.

I'm  talking about marriage!
Desperate people rushing to tie the knots. There's no need for me to say people because we all know when I mean people I mean girls mainly. It's like they are in a market, trying to sell something, searching diligently to find who will buy, just so they don't return with them. Well you might think guys are not searching for wives too, well indeed they are!!! Girls if you didn't know, know thee now! Everybody wants something good, so while you think that you're the only one that is in dire need of something to hold on to, why don't you give yourself some pride and tell yourself that there's someone that might be looking for you too. Oh no I hate to talk about relationships, marriage and stuffs cos I always find myself being so controversial that more often than not, the aftermath is always me pondering on whether I'm really abnormal as they always argue. Well, we all know in this "little market" the guys are more advantaged since a girl has these clocks ticking for her....biological clock, social clocks etc... but seriously I don't believe in you stuffing down everything and hopping on anyone that beckons just cos you don't want that clock to tick by.

Immediately when I finished high school and during my first year at the university, a few of my classmates were already inviting me for their weddings...well I was what? 15/16 as at then. Anyway I started school very early so maybe I could understand this, maybe they were not as young as I was but seriously, the highest they would have been would be what? 20.
Lets take 20 for instance, you've only lived 20 years of your life, if you are supposed to live for a 100 years(tentatively), then understand that you'll be spending 80 long years with this person, now that's something you want to be careful with.
Think about it, within these 20 years, were there days you thought were too long and boring? Some moments that were so unbearable that you wanted to either fast forward or even rewind? well that was only one fifth of your life that you lived right there!!! If you ask me, I'll say I had them too. There were times when my parents pissed me off so much that I was like thank God it's just the holidays, school will soon be resuming and I'll zoom away for another couple of months. 

No love, just incase you asked, there's no zooming away in marriage.
Now if you ask me I'll say that there's no need to pretend to be who you know you can't be just because you want in. Will you be able to pretend forever? When you are in, you are in...Ask married couples and they'll explain this better. Since marriage is something that your parents cannot decide for you, I think it's better you try to make it when you think your mind is mature enough to handle it. I'm just wondering the kind of guy I would have chosen at the age of 18! Perhaps some snorty nose alcoholic with the trouser sagged down to the knees and I would have gone like oh so "hippy and trendy",#typical teen thoughts... then I wake up some other day and be like "can you drag those rags you call trousers up, please"?

Well back to our inspirational tattoo story. I have this funny tendency of drawing my inspiration from things that usually do not instantly co-relate. I'll break the marriage part down cos I have a feeling it was easier for you to follow with the tattoo. 

-With a messed up tattoo, people will always look at you and go "what was she thinking?" Totally same with marriage, if you make the wrong choices.

-Nobody will remember the tattoo artist (well at least he's not the one wearing it), so don't go, we were match made or it was my parent's decision...sweetheart, you're going to be the one bearing Mrs whosoever so your parents do not really count afterwards. Bottomline is you can't blame it on anyone, you'll be the one to live with it.

-When you're tired of your tattoo and think it's time to get it off, consider that there'll be more pains and you'll need to spend more money than you did while getting it. Think it's not the same with marriage? Visit a court when they are handling a divorce case and you'll be well convinced that it is. 

-The most you can do to get your tattoo off would be a laser treatment, which doesn't completely clear it. Everybody will look at your hand for instance, and know that you once had a tattoo there...When you eventually need to get rid of your marriage, your marital status can never go back to "single" but it'll be "divorced". People will always ask, "so what happened?" What will be your reply?  At least I think it's important to worry about that person that people will always call your ex husband forever even if you are sure you'd get a divorce if it wasn't good.
Don't you think so too? Will you always look at him and think "yea once in my life I was stupid"?

Someone once said that most girls were gold diggers, another one countered and said that the diamond diggers outnumbered those digging for gold these days. This got me laughing and analyzing. The rise in desperate girls is so amazing that sometimes I wonder whether there's a special school they go to learn something I'm yet to be aware of or somewhere that clears their mind of things that they should really care about. (The diamond here signifies wedding bands and engagement rings).

Well guys are not left out on these, even though it's more common for ladies to want to rush into marriages, a lot of guys also think it's an easy way out for them. They wake up in the morning, they try to clean their house or set a meal, and they encounter certain difficulties, you hear them "I think it's time to settle down". Their friends do not help either "oh boy abeg find woman where go dey help you with all these things". Is that all you really want? A cook? A maid? If that's all you want, I'm sure you'll save yourself so much trouble if you just hire those.
When you hear guys talk about what they want in their wives, you'll be so surprised at how it is everything that they can't be. "Cares for me, takes care of the home, boss at work, but still combines all those house wife duties perfectly, independent but very submissive...."

I do not believe in divorce, I so believe in.."as you lay your bed...", no wonder the topic of marriage raises my intelligence quotient. No offence to divorced people out there. By all means, if it boils down to that, then do it. I'm not saying it's a taboo, I'm just saying that at the rate it's occurring these days it just shows that people do not spend time to think about their choices.

So dear diamond diggers...when you chase the diamond, remember that it's important to think whether the diamond will be worth wearing forever, not how expensive and attractive, but to whom you're wearing it for.


Goodluck!!!

- VALENTINE SPECIAL -

People stop the Valentine craze and Bruno Mars, please stop the Grenade madness!!!

I don't care about valentine's day but everybody around me seems to care so much about it.
I mean love is not supposed to be restricted to a one day celebration. We need to show love every single day of our lives,  so peeps please chill out with the VAL VAL VAL excess talks.

First and foremost, let's clear this Bruno Mar's catching a grenade and jumping infront of a train fuss.
Bruno must have been on a very hot spot to think of that...(well I think) but one thing is sure, he's really serious. Who knows? he might just do it for val's day :)
I mean he did a remix to it and just basically replayed the whole song (cos I don't really see the part Lil Wayne played in that remix). You can't make the same mistake twice, he just wanted to resound it that he means exactly what he said :)

Oh poor guy please don't kill yourself! I think he's a very cool guy (well I love his songs)

Here it is, you might want to check it out, if you haven't seen it yet:

Holy crap! I need to address this

Please guys, nobody is asking you to kill yourself, if someone does, runnnnnnnnn and don't look back!

Now every girl wants to put that on replay, use it as their ringtone; you know, just make sure you know they like it, like they are trying to indirectly say something.
What's it with the whole craze for this song anyway?

Seriously if you try to jump infront of a train, I don't care if it's for me, I'll just scream a big "fail, fail" or maybe "dumb, dumb".
Just incase you were asking, no, I won't do the same. I'm sure you already know that.

If you are trying to commit suicide, it's a near perfect way, BUT!  if you're trying to show her that you love her, please Refrain! Refrain!!!

Funny enough, a lot of girls will be played using that line today...
Smart boy: Baby you know I'll catch a grenade for you
Dumb chic: Awwwwwwww that means so muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
or....
 Smart chic: No love, I'll rather watch an action movie for the thrill. Please do easier things, like...... (just be a little creative for the ....). Duh!!! It's val's day and  not the world war. 

Well you'll have to choose...hehehe

Take home message:   "There are better ways of doing things".
These words might be very important today.
Nevertheless, enjoy your day!

Happy Valentine's day!!!